Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
