Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
