i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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