Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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