I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
should my penis look like a turkey
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
