he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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