Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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