walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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