Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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