i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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