I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize