Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
