I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
