I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
