He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize