there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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