i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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