We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
