His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
