Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
