You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
