Please, let me fuck your mom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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