Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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