I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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