Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
