I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
