cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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