I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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