I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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