yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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