yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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