someone owes me an orgasm
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
