Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
