He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
