Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think i have two assholes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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