you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
