It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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