Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
