so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
