Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
