I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alive.
So much puke
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
