i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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