hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
