she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
