Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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