I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
