her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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