She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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