"it" just moved
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
