I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I deserve this hangover.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
