you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
