You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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