I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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