why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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