I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would fuck him just for his dog
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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