I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
