party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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