ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
