They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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