You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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