His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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