i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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