Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
