is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
