eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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