Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
