We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize