so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So much Jack, so little girl.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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