There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
