Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
