im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
