hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
