okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize