in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
