i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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