Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's blow job season.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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