You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
