Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
