Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
