They should really pass out barf bags in church
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
