This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
