I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
