I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
