whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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