Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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