I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize