Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
