pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
