Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize