You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize