someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
