I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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