I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
