I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
