Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize