I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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