Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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